Stand Like a Fighter, Rest When It’s Quiet

I have been extraordinarily negligent in updating the Journal – my most profound apologies for that. But there was an intention behind it, and a good one. Amazingly enough, I needed to teach myself how to rest again. The past few months have been so mad – the traveling around, the looking for work, and all the while sick and exhausted from being sick. I totally underestimated how much of a toll it was taking on my body. There were things I had to do though – survival things – and I paid the price. For four months, I paid the price.

Once I realized that I’d been ignoring my body’s demands, I knew that had to change. So for a couple of weeks, I did nothing. In fact, I did as much nothing as I could get away with. I lay in bed. I lay on the floor. I read. I played some video games. I lay in bed again. I did go to work – that was non-negotiable for me – but everything else was off the table.

And it worked. The cough is gone. Completely. My lungs are clear, and my energy slowly returned. I’m not quite 100 percent, but I’m close enough that I can smell the changes coming. Yoga again, bicycling, hiking – all just over the horizon.

I don’t regret what I had to do, though. If I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have the job, the apartment, the life beginning anew. It’s like an old martial arts instructor once told me. If someone knocks you down, stand up like a fighter. Let it be in your eyes and the way you rise from the floor. You’re there to fight, and there ain’t no mucking about.

Well, it was a bad time, and I had to fight to get to where I am. I was down, and down a lot, but each time I got up like a fighter. It was hard, but it worked.

And now that I got to here, whatever that is which I’m still figuring out, it’s time rest. I have a place now where it’s okay to open up to the body’s aches and the emotional bruising. A quiet place to rest, recover, and recharge.

So that’s where I’ve been. I haven’t even been writing. All the ideas about what my life should be like now – I’ve thrown them away. I realized that I was trying so hard to create something that I was getting in the way of its creation. It’s so much easier to just let it unfold. My body, my heart, my mind – they all know what they want and I should just trust them to find the way. And they do.

So, the lesson in all this? If there is one it’s this: stand like fighter, rest when it’s quiet, and trust yourself to find the way.

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~ by Samer on March 18, 2008.

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