Choices and Trajectories

The past few days have been all about leave-taking – saying goodbye to those who I’ve connected with while in London. It’s been such an intense year – like I’ve been living in double time – and it’s so strange to have everything change again on Thursday. In a way, it’s not so different from when I left Amnesty. There are a lot of parallels.

A good friend recently asked about all the “moving on” I’m doing. She asked about the “beautiful rooms”, the relationships and places constructed only to close them up and leave them behind, and I don’t know if my answer to her was satisfactory. I only know what I’ve come to realize – that while I feel a great deal of freedom traveling this unknown road, the trajectory of my life is pointing in a very specific direction. There are constraints. Self-imposed, but constraints none-the-less. So that while I don’t know what the future will bring, I do know that I am working very hard to realize a part of that future in Asia. Not necessarily for the long term, but for a time at least.

As for the “beautiful rooms”, I believe they live on as part of a larger architecture. Not only in the relationships maintained across vast distances through Skype and email and blog, but also in the experiences and changes from having lived in that “room.” Because the rooms are also gates along a path. The people and places around us, change us, and we change them. It is a dialectal process, and while I don’t necessarily believe in a final destination, the choices we make point us along a road of our own making.

As we travel through life, some gates are forced upon us. Joys and trajedies find their ways into our lives no matter what we might do. But also, sometimes we are forced to make bittersweet choices between the differing paths and trajectories. We must decide which gates to pass through.

All I know is that my intuition is calling me to Cambodia and Japan, and I must trust in that inner sense.

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~ by Samer on July 17, 2007.

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